Spring is here have no fear

What a lovely weekend I have had!! The sun has been shinning all weekend in London!
I went for afternoon tea with my group of girls....first time I have seen them since my Cancer diagnosis! I was apprehensive about seeing them as texting and emailing them hasn't been easy and I felt they wasn't themselves when they messaged me. however when I saw Them all I just gave them my diagnosis letter/referral  and let them all read it themselves. They all bought me some flowers and a bottle of bubbly which was so very sweet,  some of them I don't think felt comfortable talking to me And although it's hard for me to deal with my friends not acting the same around me....I understand that some people haven't had to deal with the big C word in their life before and probably don't know how to feel  or know what to say. But the flowers and hugs we're their own little way of saying they are here and that's all that matters.

My dads birthday was yesterday and we had a family day, drinking and eating was really lovely. 

My appointment with the dermotoligist to discuss my surgery and surgery date and diagnosis is Thursday! Feel like it's been a long 2 week wait and although I know what's going to happen from my mums experiences I want to hear it all for myself.  It really is baby steps with this and I know once I have been Thursday my next step is the surgery! 

Not sure how I will feel Thursday but I'm feeling strong.

As usual I have been having  my bad days and good but you have to remain strong and brave and enjoy each day and smile as much as you can. If I have a bad day or moment I cry if I need to, watch something funny on tv and go for a walk. Most importantly If I want to talk the one person I can rant to is my mum, she has been my rock.  In terms with coping with diagnosis my aunt and my dad and I all laugh that I'm coping better than mum did. However everyone handles things differently, and she has young children when she was diagnosed and she didn't want to go out with her friends. Where I am worrying about how my family are feeling more than myself and I'm keeping busy by going out and seeing friends and family. 

My mum is being so strong for me and being there 110% I love her so much. 

Iv also started to read more books, cook more and watch more movies! As my friends commented I never watched hardly any films I'm making time to watch them now haha! 

I will update after my hospital appointment Thursday :)

Lots of peace and hope 

Nikki xo

A week since Diagnosis

Hey so it's a week since my Melanoma stage 1B diagnosis.....how am I feeling? Well I'm ok honestly given the circumstances I'm coping better than I thought.  I am having ups and downs and going through a crazy mixture of emotions but that's normal right?

All my friends and family know now and it's true what they say at difficult times of your life you really realise who is there for you. To be honest know ones let me down so far I'm very lucky everyone's been 100% supportive and a couple of friends and family members have really stepped up and been texting me everyday which is really reassuring. My mum is my rock she went through this herself and she's proud I'm coping. 

Iv seen my cousin for cocktails, had lunch with my Aunty, met one of my friends Tuesday night, went for dinner last night and Saturday I'm seeing more friends. Keeping busy has taken my mind off it. 

I'm suffering with insomnia :( I'm getting 4 hours sleep a night which I suppose is due to the worry and stress at the back of my mind. 

I also got a copy letter from my consultant referring me to a London Hospital to a dermatologist explaining my diagnosis and advising them of all the procedure I already had and what treatment is needed next. So one more week till I see the consultant and surgeon in London and I'll know my surgery date. When I saw my diagnosis in black and white it was like someone had punched me in the stomach. I felt in denial and folded up the letter and went to meet my friend. I carry on as normal then it hits me and I feel sick and upset! 

Knowone knows what it's like until it happens to you 

Signing out for now love Nikki xxx

25 With Melanoma

Hey I'm Nikki I'm 25 years old. This photo was taken just a week after I had a mole on my right side removed. Little did I know that not long after I would find out some news that would change my life forever. Here's my story. 

My mum had Melanoma 14 years ago and lucky for her it never spread and shes 14 years cleared. So I am very aware of any moles I have on my body, and I have had a couple removed before which have been fine. 

However 3 months ago I was out with my friends I came home and thought I had been bitten as a mole I barely notice just under my bra was itching! I kept an eye on it but quickly decided that it had changed and was itching and crusty! With advice from my mum I went straight to my GP. She referred me to a dermatologist who treated my mum agreed that the mole should be removed. I don't know why but my gut told me something wasn't right this time. I remained positive right up until the results. Here's a photo of 2 days after it was removed 

Yesterday I was diagnosed with stage 1 Melanoma. I have rarely sunbathed and never been on a sunbed due to my mum and was advised its probably genetics. I'm heartbroken mainly for my family for having to go through this all again after my mum....and also for my friends I'm lucky I have a few close friends and an amazing family I know that will stand by me. 

Now I'm awaiting an appointment with a consultant in London's Guys Hospital to see them and discuss the procedure and be examined again! Then I'll have the operation to check my lymph nodes and also remove further area from the mole. 

Dispite already going through this with my mum who has lived with this for 14 years. Nothing can prepare you for the shock of when it happens to you! I didn't sleep all of last night but I will remain positive! I won't let this beat me!! 

I used to blog years ago and I wanted to blog my journey and feelings about Melanoma and hope people read it and it increases awareness! Or if your going through the same things please comment and get in touch!