My Melanoma Surgery

Wow can't believe it's been 5 days now since my surgery! Today's the first day I can comfortably type because my SLNB was on my right arm and my WLE was on my right side and of course my mole removal on my scalp which currently has staple stitches ouchies! I can honestly say I'm in less pain than I was after surgery, I make little daily goals for myself making a cup of tea, or yesterday was putting on my makeup and going out for an hour with my family,wow the air did me good, however once I got home I was exhausted felt like I had been for a run and I had only got in the car walked a bit and sat And had one drink.  Last night I got upset out of frustration really! Iv only cried a few times since my surgery and I'm so proud of myself I was brave during surgery as it was a long day! And night here's the story starting with a photo after surgery! 

Wednesday morning we arrived at the London Hosipital and straight went in to the nuclear medicine department to have my dye injected in preperation for the Sentinal Lymph Node Biopsy! My plastic surgeon had made the effort to come and see me up there to meet with me and check I was ok etc turns out he performed the same surgery as my mum 12 years ago and the SLNB, mum didn't remember him I think she had only met with him once but it was strange for us and for him that he had performed the same surgery for mum as he will for me! He said in his career this had never happened before! 

I decided that for me the SLNB was a safe option to know if it's spread or not! I couldn't imagine just having a WLE and the fear of the unknown in a year or 2 years it's spread to my nodes and I never bothered to know! And I know with melanoma nothing's certain I could get another melanoma etc but mums been clear 12 years had many removed and still alive now.  So this seemed the right decision. 

I was in the hands of two nurses who took me to lay down on a bed and a rotating scanner was put over me.  "Now what we are going to do is inject four times around the area where melanoma was" said one of the nurses "ouch I said I didn't realise it was 4 injections" it did hurt I think it was one of the worse parts of my experience not so much the injections but laying down not able to move for over an hour with a scanner over you and just your thoughts aaaah! So scary! And then I knew the possibility that the dye might go to my groin and to my underarm! Double the pain and double the recovery! An hour later I was told the node they found was under my right arm so that would be removed! Weirdly I felt relieved that it was just there! 

My mum and I made our way to pre surgery where I had my blood pressure done put on my gown etc....we waited ages by this point it was 1pm and suddenly my surgeon popped in to see me again.....everyone in the room was shocked to see a surgeon taking time to come and check on a patient he had his surgeon uniform on and asked me how I got on at the scan, I explained I was happy that it's just under my arm and I'm feeling positive about surgery....he asked to see my mums scars and said he would do just as good a job with me....my mum and I felt a lot of comfort and knew I was in good hands. I was lucky to have such a nice plastic surgeon! 

Soon after the anisitist came and hooked me up to a drip and I was out of it haha! Next thing I remeber I was in recovery my legs were shaking I eventually calmed down and I was wheeled up to my ward for the night. The nurse told me I had a private room and I would love the view and wow was I lucky I had a view of London river Thames and the London eye 

Even tho I couldn't move just looking out on this view just cheered me up! Mum and dad and my brother came in to see me until visiting time stopped I was starving and ate a sandwhich! I was ok until they all left me....I felt alone and scared, and I had a drain where the node was taken out and a drip on the other arm! I slept for an hour woke an hour slept an hour woke another hour all night.  The nurses in the ward were not great, I could hear them talking about films and tv shows and leaving the buzzers to buzz with patients who needed them! My head started bleeding at 10pm took them ages to come in and attend to me and I was in tears!

Even in the morning when my registra told me I could go home everything went well and my blood pressure was fine it

Took the nurses another 2 hours to come and take my drip and drain out and help to wash the blood out of my hair! 

By this point I just wanted to come home, dad and mum drove me home 

I felt so relieved to be home! 

Now it's just a waiting game for the results and a mission to get well! Stitches are out the end of this week which I can't wait for, I think that will make me feel more comfortable! 

Results are in two week....3 days before my birthday :/ scary times....I try to put it at the back of my mind.  The emotional pain is so much more that the physical pain, I feel like I can manage the physical pain but emotionally I'm drained. 

Last night I woke up at 3am thinking scary and silly thoughts and couldn't get back to sleep! 

I feel very alone....I mean I have my friends and family and my mum knows what I'm going through however I feel like I can't cry infront of anyone I feel like I'm texting people saying "hey I'm a bit sore but I'm fine how's your weekend?" When really I want to say "Its a hard time but I'm taking it a day at a time determind to best this and get back to myself again" but I can't be honest with people....

Truth is I think when you have cancer you loose a bit of youself, you change and I don't mean in a bad way you look at life in a different way...

The more ignorant I see people behave to skin cancer and melanoma makes me want to fight to increase awareness! There should be more adverts more stories, more people need stop tanning! Or in my case I never used a sunbed and only tanned a bit in Greece when I lived there but always had a high SPF on , iv been told it's in my genetics as my mum had it! People need to be wiser to this disease. 

It's 9am here now I'm going to wake up make some breakfast wash and get dressed myself! Baby steps but I'm getting there! Hope my story helps others out there. 

Lots of love 

Nikki xo