The last few weeks I have had my ups and downs, one minute I could be out with my friends having fun, or just cooking and singing in the kitchen, another moment I just sit alone and over think those are my down moments.
The last few days I have struggled knowing its surgery time soon it's not so much the pain I'm scared of its that all this seems to be real now and that feeling of doubt "what if the cancer had spread?"
Saw my girls Friday nights which was low key and I only stayed an hour!
Saturday was perfect I felt lucky to be alive and young sitting in the park (in the shade covered with SPF 50) with my best friend eating champagne and strawberries and other food to nibble on! We talked for hours and laughed lots listened to music and people watched! Through my surgery and recovery I will remember that day and smile!
I also purchased this quirky hat! As I have to have another mole removed this time on my scalp It's ideal to cover the wound when I start to feel well enough to go out! I have always wanted to buy a hat, and with this skin cancer diagnosis it's made me care a lot less about people judging me or if something's cool I just think I like it I'll get it! I only have one life it's about being happy and doing stuff that makes me happy.
My mum is getting very anxious about the surgery I can tell and it breaks my heart! So I'm trying to be brave for her! Right now I feel numb with it all! I want it all over so I can get focus on recovery....iv promised myself I will stay strong through this and try not to cry, I know crying helps and if I need to I will but I'll keep my head high and fight!
Will write soon
Nikki xo
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