I was supposed to post Friday but the last few days have flown by. Thursday I went to see the dermatologist and plastic surgeon. As soon as we sat in the waiting room i really felt this was all too real now. Although I have been coping with my diagnosis very well, Thursday and the few days after have been a shock to the system. The dermatologist told me she felt none of my lymph nodes were swollen which is a good sign however as I'm stage 1b melanoma she recommended I get a sentinel lymph node biopsy done. This will see if the cancers spread and although like many cancers it can come back I think for my own piece of mind having the lymph node biopsy will be a good sign that It's not spread. Otherwise I could imagine 2 years time if the cancer had spread and I hadn't had a lymph node biopsy I don't think I could forgive myself. The statistics are that 90/100 at 1b stage will not spread to the lymph nodes. well I could still be the unlucky percentage that it does spread so I'm not taking any chances and I'm going to find out. I also have to have another mole removed off my scalp *sighs* don't even want to think or worry about that coming back as malignant melanoma :( can't help but worry.
I had blood tests, photos of my moles taken and the pre op assessment. My surgery to cut the rest of the margins around the mole that's been removed, my lymph node biopsy and the mole removed from my scalp will be 2nd April (next week) and for the nhs I was impressed I don't have long to wait.
After all the hospital tests and discussions my mum and I went along the Thames river for some wine! Perfect evening and gorgeous view of St. Paul's cathedral after a long stressful day. My brother came and met us and got us tipsy but I needed the drinks lol.
The day of my hospital my family and friends were texting and calling all concerned it's nice to know people care. One of my friends who was meant to be my best friend has barely made the effort with me, it's been a massive reality check in a good way, when I got diagnosed they told me they would take a day off work, be there for me etc, but didn't bother to see me just 1 or two texts since my diagnosis! This person was always a let down before but now it just took the biscuit. Two days ago they text me and when I confronted them saying they haven't bothered with me and whether they couldn't handle the fact I had cancer they said they have just been busy and had a cold, the excuse was time had just flown by and they felt really bad they haven't seen me! To which I replied if your going to behave like this when it's my dark times your leave me in my good times! I just told them not to bother me anymore. It's funny but it felt like a massive weight off my shoulders!
When my friends have had problems or relatives sick or life problems I'm there for them and most of my friends are there for me but just removing one toxic friend has made me stronger.
I'm meeting the girls Friday for happy hour cocktails can't wait! And dinner with my friends the weekend. To my friends I'm very positive because there's no need to be down around them and when we go out I'll talk about it if spoken to but otherwise i don't bring it up! They know I'm having my iOS and downs and they also all think I'm amazingly brave! As do my family especially my mum! So I'll continue to be brave and fighting 🌟💗
I still can't sleep, and I do feel my world has stopped for a bit....I sometimes feel alone even tho I am not! And I seem to just want to eat Ben and Jerry's all the time Haha which will make me a fatty but who cares life's too short, Infact I'm going to have a tub of cookie dough and watch dirty dancing right now (and it's only 9am) haha xxxx
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